...

...I seems today as if I will have to take a step....as a commitment to myself...it seems I cannot remain a child any longer.....governed by the turbulence of my fears and passions.....as if I were helpless and misunderstood....in need of a rescuer....it seems today that I will have to give up clinging to anyone or anything which has lost its meaning.....and face the world on my own terms.....it seems that I must stand independent of all my relationships God, father, mother, husband, friends............true only to the law of my own being...........:((

...A Play

There are moments when one gets sudden insight....or at least what one feels is an insight.....it hit me yesterday....that a good person is as bound by his goodness as a wicked person by his wickedness....for example....lets assume that you are a good person (whatever it means)...and I ask you to murder someone...it will be an almost impossible task.........as Shakespere says.."All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players"...now what role is assigned to one is to a very large extent out of our hand....it is a function of our mind..........and our nature......and so...there should be no arrogance attached to being kind, generous etc.... since one merely follow the dictates of one's nature...and there should be no looking down on a murderer, cruel dictator etc....as they follow the dictates of their nature...probably that is why it is said "hate the sin and not the sinner"....now..i am ignoring the role of free will in this argument.....but I increasingly believe that...freedom stretches to the limits of the consiousness....and as it has been established that almost 90% of our mind is unconscious.....anyways...enough gibberish for a day :))

Goodness!!!

Good Lord!

Why did I write all this junk on my blog? It is as if it were a different person....what is the point of such philosophical brooding...but then there isn't much point of most things...anyways....

Island

Is it possible to understand and condemn together?...I think one can never condemn if one truly understands....but then full understanding is an impossibility......after all we can live only under our own skin....it is so alienating to be misunderstood ...to find no confirmation of one's beliefs, ideals and actions.......to be alone...like an island...disconnected....But, I wonder if understanding is necessary......Can't love suffice?......Understanding is limited by the mind.....love is not.....Love perhaps is based on knowledge that everyone is bewildered by the world ...the strange fact of existence...and that everyone tries to cope in their own way....and suffers in their own way....

The World...

".....And I, infinitesimal being, drunk with the great starry void, likeness, image of mystery, felt myself a pure partof the abyss, I wheeled with the stars, my heart broke loose on the wind...."

What is it....I find myself bound by time and space....I see people, trees, plants, the sea, the sun, the moon, the stars....I see beggars and I see the rich...the ugly and the beautiful...at times I feel happy, at times i am sad.....How peculiar....how strange...How did I come to experience all this....I could be in a dream....

I noticed the other day..that is how dreams are....In my dreams, I find myself engrossed in situations...and never once wonder how I got there....what my past was..or what I would like my future to be....Dreams are reality sans the time dimension......Reality seems like frames from dreams woven together by time.....

But it must be what it must be

Shades

Yesterday I felt like when one sees the sun light up the world after days of rain....like one feels when one hears the church bells breaking the silence of a lonely evening....like when one sees a lit lamp in a temple after being lost for hours in a forest....like how an eagle must feel when it flies....like how children feel when they play...like a still lake must feel.... like there need not be any meaning, reasons, causes....like I was free...

On Identity

"Parichaya itna Itihaas yahi umdi kal thi mit aaj chali"

Mahadevi Varma

I wish I stood for something.....I wish i could define myself....I wish I had something I could live by, defend and die for....an idea that i could devote my life to...i wish I could say i am religious, or an atheist...or that i believe in capitalism or communism.....or that I am a conservative or a liberal.........I wish I knew where I stand now and why.....and where I want to be and why....i wish I wasn't lost........I wish I wasn't living from day to day pursuing empty pleasures....like eating, sleeping, watching movies, hanging out with friends, and planning next vacations.......I wish I was alive....I wish I was engaged earnestly with the world in some manner....i wish I could give meaning to my life.......

"guzar raha hoon kuch anjani rahguzaron se na koi raah na manzil na roshni ka suragh bhatak rahi hai khalon mein zindagi meri inheen khalon mein rah jaaonga kabhi kho kar"